you know it doesn't have to be this hard. you can just close your eyes and go straight on or whatever ---

and it's still somewhere in front anyway.

tell me why again is it so hard to accept that?

it sounds soo delicious =D how wonderful it would be if i could do that. can you imagine? like, it's so unplanned. so random and so... i dunno. it sounds like how it's supposed to be.

and although this occurred to me only during the exam, (like when i was crapping in my essay >< ) i find it kinda true. try as you may to squint down that road, you have to accept that you can't see the end, although you might be able to see the birds or the trees alongside the road. who knows how the view changes? who knows what awaits at the end -- or is there an end at all?

that made me more comfy =) right. shoo, go study. what are you doing here??

i just watched a stupid video...

a very stupid one which made me laugh like mad but wanna cry....

AND I REALLY WANNA CRY.....

no.....

bad turkey, make me wanna cry...

BAD TURKEY... it's all because of you...

i'm gonna really really really miss you...

i'm gonna miss ALL OF YOU....

HAPPY BDAY JAF!

my dear jaffy....

HAPPY 17!!! =D

eat more leaves so you'll grow even taller! can reach even higher leaves!
and better balancing too. lol =S

thanks for praisin the salad haha! and playing with all of you on wed was fun.. aww i'll really miss you all =(

and jaf, thanks for being such a good friend of mine =)

so, hope all your dreams come true, and keep smilin! (make sure no leaves 1st!!)

i went to our class' blog just now. tis been 1++ years, and we've only got a few months left...
even though all of us aren't really close yet, but seeing our class pic there, it's.. aww man.
i want these months to pass slowly.
i wanna get to know everyone better.
and we'll be a great class, who cares if we're already in form 5.

right? =)

lots been going on these days =D and i gotta remember them all.

starting with night gathering -- not much to say but a big THANK YOU to everyone... including all guides, all participating schools, and of course all chsian supporters.. we wouldn't have been able to do it without you all =) thanks for cheering on even when things were not perfect, and for helping us clean up afterwards. heavy stone off once it was over, but thinking back of all the preparation: the paper folding (thank you everyone who helped me out, whether in class or out of class heehee..), the fun but extremely confusing dance practice sessions (it was last minute but we did ok right? =D all thanks to hong jin, kais, yong, heng, and my partner girry), the constant worry and et cetera. and to min and feli, you were great =) thank you.

and on sat, i woke early to go to school to punggah the chairs (i did 44 chairs! =P) then went to celebrate shu han's bday in 1u. had fun but my bad tummy toned me down a bit.. i hope i can come out with you all again someday =D and kudos to christine for dancing so well that day. it was great ;)

done recording all that, now the hard part comes. sigh.

i didn't want to go to school today. i mean, it's been 4 years.. i just wasn't prepared to step down. as i stood in the tapak i looked around and tried to remember that sea of black heads i was so used to. then i took in a deep breath -- hazy, but i was satisfied. i'll miss all this..

i didn't want to be a prefect, and i remember telling pn cheam i wanted to quit as probationer but she asked me to try longer. i decided to "see 1st" and that brought me to this today, and i'll never regret having been a prefect. i learnt so much-- i became more outspoken, i knew all sorts of friends, i learnt to be braver and more confident... i'd be a completely different person if i quit then. prefectorial board gave me lots of memories that i'll never forget.

and i looked again, then saw someone who was wearing a purple rubber band. then i realised, this was the last day i'd have to do something about that. i'll miss my beloved class-in-charge (i was very strict to them - poor things lol!), i'll miss talking to friends in the prefect room after school, i'll miss the flies above the drain that we stand on during perhimpunan... gosh.

and i still can't find my tie after we threw them in the air. they got mixed up -- i was sad at 1st cause of losing my 4-year companion, but then i got to look at it more positively -- having our ties mixed up made us more like, one.

and i'll go do my homework now. =)

invasion

just something i thought about...

are you yourself?

i mean, we always hear people telling us (and, well, ourselves telling other people) that we should always be who we are and be proud of ourselves. but now that i give a thought to it, that's hard. i don't even know what kind of a person i really am. do you? am i supposed to?

it's really weird but i get this queer feeling when i start thinking about this. it's so confusing...

are you trying to think? weird isn't it?

and, how do we know what is really right? well, do we really care if what we do is right?

or do we care more about whether what other people do is "acceptable"? i'll admit, i succumb to the latter more.

but why can't i focus on myself? do i really not understand myself that much?

i think maybe, how we want ourselves to be is who we are. is that right? so if that is true, is change necessary to make ourselves better people? and it also means that i don't really mind myself having flaws, but i just can't accept other people's shortcomings. that's so selfish.

so how do we define "better people"?
there it goes again.

you know, thinking about these things help quieten things for a while, especially in this hectic mood all around, with spm and all. it helps you get closer to yourself and other people..


and when you get nowhere with all that thinking,

shrug it off!!! bounce around and have fun.

forgive me for using up your time, but thanks for reading =)

oh yea heng, happy belated ;) thanks for being such a friend. you know, i can't live without your craziness.. take it to the max my friend!! and spread that contagious laughter of yours to all around you like how you always do to me =) thank you. it means so much to me.

heya!! =D it's paper-returning time, so i just wanna tell everyone that don't be too stressed and it's all for spm, not 2nd term exam ;D so if you're not happy with the results, cheer up and dont be too worried and let's work hard sama-sama yea!!

oh yea, i realized that i'm talking too much bout myself and it's boring. it occured to me again that everyone has probs, and things pass. so let's just.... hehe.... be happy!! lol.. (*can almost see your big sweat drop)

and i wanna say how proud i am of my lil sis who got 1 gold, 1 silver and 1 bronze in the judo tournament today. haha ain't that great! =D

and to one of my friends, (i say this because i know you'll kill me if you see your name =P) please get well soon, although i dunno why you're sick yet, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! drink lotsa water and rest well. i'll miss you a lot... when you can come to school again we'll play till the sky falls!! SO BE SURE TO GET WELL SOOOON!!!!

and to everyone, good luck!! and smile big big yeah!! ;D